Most people are familiar with “fight or flight,” but fewer know the third survival response: fawning. This is the instinct to appease, to say yes when you want to say no, to smooth over conflict even at the cost of yourself.
Where It Comes From
The fawn response often develops in childhood environments where safety depended on pleasing others. If conflict meant danger, then harmony — even at your expense — was survival.
Why It’s So Hard to Break
As adults, fawning can look like chronic people-pleasing. The body still registers others’ disappointment or anger as a threat. Saying yes isn’t weakness — it’s an ancient reflex.
Moving from Reflex to Choice
- Notice the body cue: Tight chest? Shallow breath? These may be signs you’re about to fawn.
- Pause before you answer: Buy yourself time with “Let me think about it.”
- Experiment with micro-no’s: Small boundaries (declining a text immediately) build confidence.
Key Takeaway
Fawning isn’t who you are — it’s what your nervous system learned to survive. Reclaiming choice means rewriting the story: your safety doesn’t depend on pleasing everyone anymore.
